As babies, we get attached to our parents and those around us. In Kindergarten, we get to meet our “best friends” build upon those relationships straight into Elementary and Middle School. In High School, we begin to associate ourselves with people we simply like and we dissociate ourselves from people we do not like. We move onto the college world and we find ourselves being around people who are similar to us. As we mature, we yearn for something deeper and most of us eventually get married to someone we truly care for or love. We simply never want to be alone.
Loneliness, for the most part, is not a good thing. Loneliness can create negative emotions and negative energy. There are times where by we need to alone with our thoughts for our own well being, but as humans, we have always yearned to be inclusive or to be involved with others.
Not trying to sound super religious here, but let’s take a take a trip back to the book of the beginning s- when God created man, he saw that man was lonely even though he created all the other animals around him. Man was lonely solely because he did not have his own kind to relate with. So God said, “it is not good for man to be alone”; God went ahead and created a suitable mate for him – Eve. According to the book of Genesis, the first words from Adam’s mouth were, “this is the flesh of my flesh and the bone of my bone” – man quickly recognized that among all the living creatures in the garden of Eden, this is the being he was going to be able to relate to and not feel alone.
Now, my questions is, does singleness constitute loneliness? My answer is a simple NO! If you are single, it does not mean you are alone. Being single simply means, you are not married or you are not in an exclusive relationship with another individual.
A lot of my friends (both male and female) settle for unwanted partners because of the fear of being “alone”, while in reality, there are people of their kind they can build healthy relationships with. The worst excuse I have heard is “I just didn’t want to be alone, so I had to go out with him. I didn’t care (at first) whether he was going to treat me right or not, because I simply didn’t want to be alone”. While we all (most of us) want to have a significant other to love and be loved, it is equally important that we get the necessary love and respect from our dealings and/or relationships. We should not settle just because we feel alone and we should not make decisions based on negative feelings but positive ones to reap positive results – example, do not get in a relationship just because you feel lonely, but rather get into one because you are ready to accommodate someone else in your life and you are ready to change their life as you expect them to change yours towards a positive future.
As Tupac once said “Thugs Get Lonely Too”. Yes, it is true that you can feel alone at times when you are single, but being single should not always make you lonely. If you are always lonely because you are single, then you Simply Need A Life. Occupy yourself with making friends, building platonic relationships and focusing on your career or your education. Focus on spending time with your family, friends, picking up a hobby or two and most importantly, Investing In Yourself.
The most important person you can care for is yourself. If you can’t take care of yourself, you simply can’t take of others. Being single gives you the opportunity to learn more about yourself, get to know yourself better and be comfortable with who you truly are. If you truly do not know and love yourself, you can never accept or love others. Knowing yourself gives you confidence and makes you aware of your strengths and weaknesses. This in the long run enables you to succeed in life.
If you are always looking to jump from one relationship to another, you will always be defined by others and your value and success will always be dependent on others. This leads to unhappiness, because you are always looking for someone to make you whole or complete you, while you have already been made whole! You are a fine finished product. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
I have been single for 2 years (and counting) and I always get the question, “Joe, why are you single?” I always pause and ask this in return, “am I supposed to be in a relationship? I do not have the right to be single?”. We quickly assume that being single = being lonely = being unhappy. But to be honest, I enjoy being single and I am extremely happy. Yes, there are times where by I wish I could share great moments with a special someone, but to be honest, I’m not going to be single forever and this is the time I should keep certain things to myself and enjoy doing so. At the end of the day, I have friends and family who I spend quality time with and who I sometimes spend the good times and bad times with. Being single has enabled me meet and get to know more people (both males and females – especially females) which is never a bad thing. I have developed platonic relationships with some females and they have been great friends to me – this is something which might not have happened if I was in an exclusive relationship with someone. When the time is right and with the right person, I will be in a relationship and continue to live a happy life. My happiness is not dependent on who is, and who is not in my life because at the end of the day, I came into this world alone, chasing my own dreams and my own destiny and at the end of it all, I will die alone.
If you are single, take this opportunity to add value to yourself. Eventually, you are going to be with someone, and you will want to add value to their life. Take the time to see where you fell short in your previous relationships and use this time to be a better person. After my last relationship, I decided to spend sometime to be single, invest in myself and use this time to re-evaluate myself as a person. I mean, I am not a perfect person and I figure there is always room for improvement, but it will be best to improve myself while I am single.
If you plan on getting married someday, then enjoy being single and being happy now. The best advice I received was, “Never be with anyone or marry anyone who was not happy by ‘alone’ when you met them”. I thought about this for a while and realized that it simply can’t be far from the truth, because if that particular person couldn’t make themselves happy before meeting you, they simply won’t be able to make you happy. Think about it, if they couldn’t make themselves happy, then it will be extremely difficult for them to make two or more people happy (themselves, you, your future kids, family and friends). Yes, other things and other people do constitute to our happiness in some fashion, but in a nutshell, we create our own happiness. I agree with he advice above and I will also like to add, “if you can’t be happy being single, then you won’t be happy being in a relationship. Nothing or no one can make you more happier than yourself. “
Singleness is never a bad thing. Embrace it, pick up new hobbies, meet new friends, learn something new, invest in yourself and add value to yourself. Life is all about what you make of it, so do not rely on another individual to make or break your life.
Faebook: Joe ForChrist Darko