Month: January 2013

“Why Are Good Looking Guys Hooking Up With Ugly Girls?” REALLY?

A friend of mine posted on Facebook that “Whats up with good looking guys hooking up with ugly girls…?” When I saw this on Facebook, I immediately commented just to share my opinion as to why the “good looking guys” might go in for the “ugly girls”. Below is a snap shot of what she said and my brief answer. 



As you can see from my response, I do not believe that any guy gets up and says “well, let me go in for the “not so good looking girls”. Being a guy myself, I know that we are usually moved by what we see. If what we see is presentable before our friends, then we believe everyone will see us as manly and will see us as the “alpha male”. The trick is, there comes a point in a man’s life, when his goals becomes more clear; as he aligns his goals properly, he begins to feel the need to find a woman who will be there for him through and through. He begins to look for the intangibles in a woman. He begins to look for a matured woman, a woman who can support him, encourage him, be faithful and committed to him and most importantly, a woman who can bring his goals and dreams to life. He begins to look for all these things, besides outward appearance, because his goals and dreams are far more important that what can fade with time. 

Secondly, looks are deceiving and they do not always tell the whole story about an individual. Another point to consider is that, “one man’s trash, is another man’s treasure” and “one man’s meat, is another man’s poison”. What you may find dirty, someone may find gorgeous and what you may find ugly, someone may find beautiful. Boys in fact do grow up to be men who don’t focus on outward beauty alone, but inward beauty; because as we get older, we realize that outward beauty fades with time, but inward beauty persists. Probably some of these men are going in for the “not so attractive women” because they do things these so called “pretty women” do not do. Yes, it is good to look pretty all the time, but to men, it is better we get fed, so we most of the time need a woman who can cook. It is also good to know that you have a woman who can support you, help you build a strong network to succeed. 

Take a minute and look around you. Look at all of your successful friends or all the great people you know and you will realize that behind them is a supportive woman. This woman might have the looks, which is always a plus, but most importantly this woman has what it takes to cater to her man. Females, do not get me wrong, it is good to look pretty, but know that a wise man will always appreciate you and accept you for what is inside of you and not what is outside of you. 

I have a beautiful sister who got married last year. If you know my family, you will know that we have been blessed with the genes of good looks :). But on a more serious note, my sister Jennifer is very pretty, so because of her looks, my mom always advised her that “when it comes to marriage, looks will take you to your marriage home, but your personality will send you packing”. My mom was just trying to remind her that she should continue to build her character as a woman and continue to keep that positive character as a woman in her marriage. 

I hear a lot of girls say that “these men are cowards, they are are afraid of bold, strong, and beautiful woman and they are afraid of women making it big”. Well, anytime I hear this, I cringe all because it is not accurate. Not all men are cowards and not all men are afraid such a woman. What the men probably do not see are your intangibles. Besides you being successful, beautiful, bold, and all that, do you have the intangibles which he finds very crucial to have? Or are you only flaunting what you think will get him attracted to you? If you can’t support him, can’t cater to him, can’t cook, then why would he want you? He is not a coward, but rather bold, because it takes a lot to find such a woman in today’s society. Such a woman is considered virtuous and like the Bible says in Proverbs 31, “..a virtuous woman who can find? for her price is far above rubies..” Meaning, she has a worth. She is worth something. If men are not coming to you because of your looks, then this should hint to you that, to them, your looks is admirable, but probably not worth a whole lot in the long run.

The secret is, the alpha male world does exist for men and in that world, men are competing against each other to rise to the top to fulfill their goals and dreams. This group consists of the vast majority of men in today’s society, and they will do anything they can to get to the top. Most of these men know that, in order to kept to the top, they need their sanity, they need to be taken care of and they need someone to love and accept them. Because of this, they go in for women who can deliver on what they consider deal breakers or intangibles. Such a woman will not only help him get to the promise land, but excel beyond his dreams. These men working to get there do not need a “trophy wife”, because they do not have the time to waste and certain issues which might come with having a trophy wife. If you have noticed, men who are working hard on their way to success, do not care for looks or “trophy wives” – if you have that, then it is a plus. But men who have already made it and I mean “made it” usually go after the best looking girl possible as trophy – hence the phrase trophy wife. This wife is there to make the man look good and send a signal to all the other men that, “I can win and win BIG TIME – look at my wife. Don’t get me wrong, this is not the case for ALL successful and well to do men and there is nothing wrong being the trophy wife, if you want to. But do you want a man to see as you as “Add On” or do you want a man to see you as a partner who is crucial part of his plan? If you choose the latter, then you have to make it a point to develop the the intangibles.

I would like to leave with a quote by my aunt this morning: “Looks are wonderful, but if you’re also a man of wisdom and you love knowledge, please don’t deal with dumb pretty girls. You’re wasting time and blocking your blessing”.

So to answer my friend’s question in nutshell, I would like to say that no one is downplaying good looks, but everyone is praising great character and that is probably what these “good looking guys” see in these so called “ugly girls”.

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Inside The Minds of Successful People

My role model, Bill Gates!

My role model, Bill Gates!

I have the opportunity to know some successful people and blessed enough to be friend some – example my God father, my co-workers, and others. Yes, I have some successful people around my age  group as well – they are doing big and wonderful things in this generation! I really do enjoy their presence but for the most part,since I like to be successful myself (just like anybody else), I learn from them and I have been able to pick their brains on some of the things they do so well which enables them to be successful and stay successful.

Before you read the 5 pointers below, you need to clearly state and define what SUCCESS means to you. As for me, “Success is a belief. You define success based on what you believe success is”.

The successful people around me are:

1. Goal & Passion Oriented Instead of Money Oriented

They usually have a set of goals which are clearly defined, measurable and attainable in a timely manner. They are also passionate about their goals and dreams and they do not let anything or anyone kill their passion – this gives them an extra element to be successful: focus. Successful people can’t be knocked off their passion. Their passion is their “grind” and it is what motivates them. At times, you might you might think they are crazy because of this trait because they become so consumed with their goals and passion to the point that they sometimes looking ridiculous and come off as weird. Money is not their focus simply because their goals and passions are bigger than any amount of money they can get. The trick here is that, they eventually end up getting more money and in the end, become very financially successful and stable.

2. Possess Great Time Management Skills

At first, successful people might come across as stingy with their time. They understand the fact that “something got to give” to be successful and stay successful. For some reason, they seem “unplugged” from whatever they are involved in and they are very cautious with who they spend their time with and how they spend it. Waste their time with anytime and that might be the last minute or hour you will get from them – this is because they understand that time wasted is time they might never get back. Every minute of their time must yield something in return and it is seen as an investment to them.

3. Positive Individuals

To get on the bad side of a successful person, simply be a “negative nancy” around them and you might get the axe. The same way misery needs company, success needs positivity. Positivity is what drives them to succeed. They hate the words “Cannot”, “Will Not”, “Fail”, “Defeat”, and etc. Do not think they are delusional, because they are some of the most realistic people you might meet but they seem to have a pinch of optimism in the tank even when things do not look right. They always bounce back and they always continue to accomplish anything they set their mind to. When they fall, never expect them not to get back no matter how long it takes. No matter how bad a morning might start, the day will be the perfect opportunity to make things better.

4. Never Complaining or Blaming Without Action – Accountability

These people never or barely complain about anything. They do not seek out to blame but always seek out to act. You  never here them say “well, the government did this and that…”. If you hear them say that, it will be like this: “well, the government did this and that, but I am going to do this and that…”. Complaining is almost like a waste of time to them, because the energy spent on complaining will be used to do other things. When they complain, know that actions will follow. They always find something wrong with themselves, hence they never point fingers that much. For example, if a CIO delegates a specific duty to an individual and the individual fails, the CIO might simply fire the individual then report back to the CEO saying, “I am sorry I let this company down, but it won’t happen again”. They might hint to the CEO that it wasn’t their fault but they wont dwell on it because they hold themselves accountable. Every situation is not totally out of their control because they will always find a way to keep themselves in the puzzle and keep themselves relevant.They are not afraid of accountability because they are not afraid of challenges.

5. Never Defeated and Never Fail

Look around you – People who are successful or want to be successful are the ones who do not stay defeated and never fail because every defeat is a lesson and every failure is just an opportunity to get better and succeed. While others lay down forever when ever they experience some level of defeat or failure, successful people take some time off, but bounce right back. They never fail to learn and never fail to succeed.

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– Joe Darko

Watching Scandal Is Not Good For You, It Might Send You To Hell

scandals2xIf you don’t know, Scandal is not drawing you closer to God and probably moving you away from Him and maybe drawing you closer to hell. Yes,Hell.

Last night was the night for Scandal (Thursday Nights). Scandal is a hit ABC TV Show which portrays what probably goes on in our nation’s capital. It is a show which has captivated the attention of many with its wonderful script and wonderful actors.

Just like every Thursday, about 70% percent of people on Twitter tweet about the show and yesterday was no exception. But something different happened this time around: a friend of mine who I am guessing does not watch the show, tweeted me and told me to look at her last ReTweet (RT). So I went on her Timeline (TL) and looked at her last RT and it was a tweet by Heather Lindsey. Now, Heather Lindsey is a very respected woman of God who inspire a lot of young women to be bold in God and to save themselves for marriage. I applaud her and respect her for that. We need more women like her in today’s society. Heather’s Tweet was something I totally did not understand. (Please look at the picture below).


Her question, “Is watching that TV show pulling you closer to Christ though?” really bothered me a bit and of course since my friend wanted me to see it, she obviously wanted my opinion on it, so I decided to write on this subject.

I have a couple of questions of my own: Is watching the News pulling any of us closer to God? Is watching the NBA finals drawing us closer to God? Is watching the Olympics bringing you closer to God? Is reading a story book pulling us closer to Christ? Is reading the Newspaper pulling us closer to Christ? Is going for a jog pulling us closer to Christ? Is dancing at a friend’s wedding pulling us closer to Christ? Is going to the beach to have a romantic time with your wife and husband pulling you closer to Christ? Is going to work pulling you closer to Christ? If Heather Lindsey’s question is valid, then I assume that my questions above are valid as well, because questions like this only makes a person focus on what they can do to achieve Grace from God. In the Old Testament, people had to do things to get that Grace, but in the New Testament, Grace came down with Christ and shared with the world on the cross which is why Grace is unmerited Favor. We do not deserve it, but we have it once we come to accept Christ. These kind of questions do not help but steal the joy of individuals away and kind of guilt trips them in a way. As Christians, can’t we allow people to enjoy a TV show with the God given peace in their hearts? As Christians, we sometimes become like the Pharisees (the religious people) by becoming standing blocks for others to be saved if we are not careful of what we say. I do not believe that this is a question Jesus would have asked his disciples, because Jesus DID go to parties with his entourage, he dined with sinners, he wept, he grieved, he was even hungry at some point, he dined with tax collectors, and etc. My point is, Jesus did everything any human can do and probably does. He was not half human, half God, He was was fully human and fully God and experienced anything we can experience on earth. Probably, Jesus might have watched Scandal to get a good laugh and enjoy the suspense if He was here as well. Jesus was not only reading the Torah, He was not always fasting, but He was always being fully God and fully human and doing things humans like to do. Guess what? The Pharisees were the ones who were not being fully human and enjoying anything humans could possibly enjoy, so they were always criticizing Jesus and always asking Him questions. They even questioned His holiness all because He was hanging out with sinners like you and I.

Let me be clear, Jesus was not conforming, but rather reforming through the expressing of love and by being human. I am not saying that we should conform as Christians to society, but we should not forget that we are humans saved by Grace. Jesus knew He was Holy, but never ones did he condemn, never once did he judge and we should follow suit and be the best we can be with Christ.

Watching Scandal is not a sin and watching the NBA Finals or Superbowl is not a sin either. It is a form of entertainment for humans. It is something which can help you get over the troubles in life. The Bible does advice us not to be mastered by anything. We should not be totally consumed with all these things, but consumed with the Word of God – that is a given, but we should enjoy the life Christ has given us, because He came to set us free. Under the law is sin and death, but under the Grace of Christ is Mercy, Love, Hope, Faith and Love.

Thank you!

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