Does God Choose Your Spouse For You?

 Recently, I have seen a good amount of my friends getting engaged or married and I have had the honor to be in a lot of weddings, met wonderful people including potential future wives ;). To be honest, I am very happy for them and I pray and want them to be positive examples for generations to come.

The question which usually pops in my head at a wedding is, “is he/she marrying the right or chosen one”? I have been doing a lot of thinking about how to choose a spouse and who helps in the decision making process and I am here to share my thoughts. In the Christian circle, there are two train of thoughts on this subject: You choose your spouse and God chooses your spouse for you. From my research and what I have learned so far, I won’t hesitate to debunk the second option – God does not choose your spouse for you. I know a lot of Christians will not agree with me on this one, but allow me to explain this to you in the next 5 minutes or so. (feel free to debate)

Some people believe that ” there is someone for everybody” – this is also a lie. If there is someone for everybody, then the ratio of guys to girls will be 1:1 instead of 3:1. God does not choose your spouse for you but God CAN certainly help you choose your spouse. As humans and sometimes Christians, we are quick to avoid responsibilities when it comes to making big decisions like choosing a career, buying a house, or choosing a spouse. I understand how and why we would like to avoid making these huge decisions, but with the same token, I believe we can lean on God for better understanding on a particular situation, seek wisdom, and guidance, but ultimately, it is up to us to make that decision and not shy or run away from responsibilities. But can God divinely orchestrate your marriage? Possibly. Let’s look at the Good Book.

Biblically, there are only two instances where by there was a divinely orchestrated marriage – Isaac & Rebecca and Hosea & Gomer – the first one was prettier though. Through out the whole Bible, God divinely chose Rebecca for Isaac and asked His prophet Hosea to marry Gomer (who was a whore). This only tells me that God CAN divinely orchestrate your marriage but it was not an everyday thing and God usually left it to humans to express their free will, accept the responsibilities and take on the challenge in his name to commit and be faithful to another human being in harmony and in love. Another verse which supports my claim is Proverbs 18:22 – “He that findeth a wive, findeth a good things”. You have to find your spouse BUT it is important to seek for wisdom and guidance from God and if you are lucky or unlucky God can choose your spouse for you.

Someone might argue that God does place people together with the famous Bible verse in Mark 10:9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” This statement is more on responsibility than anything. Let’s look at the bigger picture from  verse 8 to 9. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,b 8 and the two will become one flesh.’c So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”  As you can see, when a man makes the decision to be committed to a woman by leaving his parents house and assuming the responsibilities of a man and being faithful, God does bless the marriage because they become one. God does not force any man to leave his father and mother to unite with his wife because man uses his free will to do so. The “joining together” statement is the blessings God bestows on a marriage done in His name to promote love, commitment and faithfulness. The same verse goes on to show the responsibilities which falls on any other person and the married couple “let no man separate” – this again seems more of a command or an instruction because it did not not say “therefore, what God has joined together, no man can separate . Can man separate what God has put together between two people? Possibly, because a lot of marriages have ended up in divorce because the couple allowed “man” to get involved to mess it up – so it is important for us to understand the responsibilities associated with our walk with God.  The only marriage man can’t separate is the marriage between man and God. Nothing can separate us from the love of God.

If you are planning on getting married, it is not too early or late to start praying about your future spouse. Pray for guidance, wisdom, and pray that God will present you with the right potentials for you to decide because God is not going to come cook for you, communicate to your spouse for you or build a strong loving relationship with your spouse for you – you will be handling those responsibilities. After you make the decision, understand that it is a commitment. You are making the commitment to be with someone you love for the most part, and to be honest, might sometimes detest. Understand your responsibilities, lean on God, and when you are ready to get married, understand and know that you will have to be faithful and love your wife no matter what. Do not go in front on God promising to be faithful and committed but turning the other cheek when things go sour. Marriage is not for everyone, so if you are not ready to stick to your vows, simply do not get married.

Share your thoughts if you disagree. I am open to learn from everyone.


  1. Great piece. I agree. And even one other marriage God ordained was in the garden of Eden. After that marriage went wrong God left it up to man to choose his spouse. Man blamed God for a marriage gon when he said the woman I gave me. So ye we shld seek the face of God to let us find good and virtouse ones yet we gotta do our own findings bearing in mind the principles of God in who a good woman or man is. Shalom.

  2. Jehovah is a God of participation; you always have a part in fulfilling His desires for your life. He says His yoke is easy and His burden is light…easy and light as it is, it’s still work 🙂 If your job is to find a spouse, it’s far easier in the long run with Him ordering your steps than going at it alone. Good piece Darko 🙂

  3. Hello all,

    Let me start by saying that I found this article interesting. I believe there is definitely truth in us as Christians needing to take some responsibility in our lives. This responsibility is simply called partnering with our Lord in whatever his will is for our lives. When we build an intimate relationship with him our will starts to equal his will. My story is very long, but also one out of a wondrous fairytale. I know without doubt the Lord not only lead me to my husband, but he orchestrated our courtship with unimaginable romance all the way to marriage. I know this now because I wasn’t allowed to do anything I would have normally done my way. However, everything I was obedient and listened to the Holy Spirit instruct or lead me to do turned out to be a number of lessons for my character building and preparation to be a virtuous wife. Not to mention, I had to pray and intercede on his behalf without him knowing for two or more years before God even allowed us to start courting. We were only friends without the benefits…LOL. I realized God does most things slow and steady which makes it that much more powerful. So, folks I had to stand on some strong faith, pray constantly. God towards the end had two other people who didn’t know one another at different times through prophecy speak to me about he and I to give me further confirmation that I was going in the right direction and that God was truly orchestrating it all. God will confirm, encourage and comfort you through the process, if he is involved. One day I heard Proverbs 18:22 and I knew that the time was near for us to unite and my husband to be to show signs that he wants me as his wife. Remember for two or more years we were only friends and had to just stand on faith while practicing celibacy that this was my husband. I was terrified at times that he may find someone else, but God told me he was protecting the union because it would be a Prophetic Marriage. Wow!! I was stunned. Anyway, my friend did come around and decide he was madly in love with me and hadn’t realized it…Haha. Well, we had the best courtship for a few months when he asked me to marry him. Our marriage still has the feel of courtship and romance. My husband now understands and knows that God did this for us and for others he wants us to help in his name. One last thing, when I was waiting and praying sometimes the Lord will share with me some future details about our marriage. I have been able to show my husband my journaling during that time and he knows by the email dates etc. not to mention, a few of the events have already taken place in our lives, that our GOD is real and does in fact orchestrate and bring some people together for Prophetic Marriage unions. I hope my story sheds some additional light on this topic. This doesn’t mean we don’t disagree from time to time, but we know to take it to God in prayer if we can’t fix it ourselves. And yes, we still have a responsibility to treat one another as the bible instructs in order to keep what God has brought together:) You are correct, he will not run our relationships for us once we are in it.

    Great article!! God Bless and I hope all your marriages be Godly appointed and orchestrated.

  4. I do like your article, but it only explains part of the story. I am a living witness that God does and will orchestrate some marriages. They are called Prophetic marriages. I am a Seer (prophetic ability through dreams and visions) and I can remember thinking the same way you described in your article. I felt I needed to locate my mate by going out and dating until somehow I would find the one for me then I would ask God to sign off on it. Well, this is how it really works. We need to ask him first then be patient enough for him to lead you to your mate. You do this by continuing to live your life by going to picnics and other outings so that the opportunity is there, but you do not need to obsess about it. We need to put our Lord first and everything else (heart’s desire) will follow. (Matthew 6:33) This is called having faith in God’s timing for your correct time and season for everything under the sun.(Ecclesiastes 3) You are right when you say we have a responsibility, but our responsibility is to God first and to allow the Holy Spirit to lead us in all truth. If we do anything in our own understanding it will surely fail. (Proverbs 3:5) This includes trying to find our own mates in our own strength. The problem with most of us so called Christians is we are to impatient and lazy. I will admit waiting is not an easy task, but if we can trust the Lord in all areas of our lives we will come out better for it in the end. Remember, while living on this earth nothing is ever perfect because we are imperfect beings. However, if we allow God to assist us then our chances for success greatly increases. I have personally been waiting since summer of 2010 when I met a gentlemen who I had no idea would turn out to be my husband. At the time I met him I was practicing celibacy and trusting God for a mate although my chances at that time I thought seemed bleak…lol:) The key is I stopped focusing on it and put the Lord, myself and other things in my life that needed attention first instead of focusing on that issue. I left that to God and he immediately rewarded me by orchestrating it for me. All I had to do was trust him and be patient in the process. God luck to all of you. He loves you and so do I I!!!

  5. Hello Joe Darko, I found it disheartening that neither one of my comments have been posted. I thought you were looking for honest responses to your article. Thank you for at least being able to comment to you. God Bless:)

  6. Hi Joe Darko!

    I found your article very interesting. I really have to say that I do agree God helps us choose, since He knows everything and obviously knows what is best for us. But I have to say from my personal experience that, if God chooses a person for you and you insist in being in a relationship with somebody else, this will never work. It will not work for various reasons: either you find out that the person is not ready for a full commitment, or that person does not have a plan for her life or situations just keep coming up and time is passing by….
    Last year God told me he had a different man for me. He said I am supposed to marry a preacher.
    I was in a 4 year relationship, that was going nowhere. I tried to walk the christian walk with him, but he was just slowing me down. I broke up with him and now I am pursuing my calling, learning more about God and his purpose for my life.
    I believe this man God has for me will show up and he will be the right person for me.

    God bless you

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