Month: November 2012

Does God Choose Your Spouse For You?

 Recently, I have seen a good amount of my friends getting engaged or married and I have had the honor to be in a lot of weddings, met wonderful people including potential future wives ;). To be honest, I am very happy for them and I pray and want them to be positive examples for generations to come.

The question which usually pops in my head at a wedding is, “is he/she marrying the right or chosen one”? I have been doing a lot of thinking about how to choose a spouse and who helps in the decision making process and I am here to share my thoughts. In the Christian circle, there are two train of thoughts on this subject: You choose your spouse and God chooses your spouse for you. From my research and what I have learned so far, I won’t hesitate to debunk the second option – God does not choose your spouse for you. I know a lot of Christians will not agree with me on this one, but allow me to explain this to you in the next 5 minutes or so. (feel free to debate)

Some people believe that ” there is someone for everybody” – this is also a lie. If there is someone for everybody, then the ratio of guys to girls will be 1:1 instead of 3:1. God does not choose your spouse for you but God CAN certainly help you choose your spouse. As humans and sometimes Christians, we are quick to avoid responsibilities when it comes to making big decisions like choosing a career, buying a house, or choosing a spouse. I understand how and why we would like to avoid making these huge decisions, but with the same token, I believe we can lean on God for better understanding on a particular situation, seek wisdom, and guidance, but ultimately, it is up to us to make that decision and not shy or run away from responsibilities. But can God divinely orchestrate your marriage? Possibly. Let’s look at the Good Book.

Biblically, there are only two instances where by there was a divinely orchestrated marriage – Isaac & Rebecca and Hosea & Gomer – the first one was prettier though. Through out the whole Bible, God divinely chose Rebecca for Isaac and asked His prophet Hosea to marry Gomer (who was a whore). This only tells me that God CAN divinely orchestrate your marriage but it was not an everyday thing and God usually left it to humans to express their free will, accept the responsibilities and take on the challenge in his name to commit and be faithful to another human being in harmony and in love. Another verse which supports my claim is Proverbs 18:22 – “He that findeth a wive, findeth a good things”. You have to find your spouse BUT it is important to seek for wisdom and guidance from God and if you are lucky or unlucky God can choose your spouse for you.

Someone might argue that God does place people together with the famous Bible verse in Mark 10:9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” This statement is more on responsibility than anything. Let’s look at the bigger picture from  verse 8 to 9. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,b 8 and the two will become one flesh.’c So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”  As you can see, when a man makes the decision to be committed to a woman by leaving his parents house and assuming the responsibilities of a man and being faithful, God does bless the marriage because they become one. God does not force any man to leave his father and mother to unite with his wife because man uses his free will to do so. The “joining together” statement is the blessings God bestows on a marriage done in His name to promote love, commitment and faithfulness. The same verse goes on to show the responsibilities which falls on any other person and the married couple “let no man separate” – this again seems more of a command or an instruction because it did not not say “therefore, what God has joined together, no man can separate . Can man separate what God has put together between two people? Possibly, because a lot of marriages have ended up in divorce because the couple allowed “man” to get involved to mess it up – so it is important for us to understand the responsibilities associated with our walk with God.  The only marriage man can’t separate is the marriage between man and God. Nothing can separate us from the love of God.

If you are planning on getting married, it is not too early or late to start praying about your future spouse. Pray for guidance, wisdom, and pray that God will present you with the right potentials for you to decide because God is not going to come cook for you, communicate to your spouse for you or build a strong loving relationship with your spouse for you – you will be handling those responsibilities. After you make the decision, understand that it is a commitment. You are making the commitment to be with someone you love for the most part, and to be honest, might sometimes detest. Understand your responsibilities, lean on God, and when you are ready to get married, understand and know that you will have to be faithful and love your wife no matter what. Do not go in front on God promising to be faithful and committed but turning the other cheek when things go sour. Marriage is not for everyone, so if you are not ready to stick to your vows, simply do not get married.

Share your thoughts if you disagree. I am open to learn from everyone.

Why Nice Guys Do Not Finish Last

Is he going to finish last? No!

In today’s society, it is believed that nice guys “finish last”. I am here to debunk this statement once and for all because I believe that nice guys DO NOT finish last.

Before I get into this, I would like for us to define the term “nice guy”. A lot of females tag boys who naturally like them and who are into them for their best interest as “nice guys”. This is the kind of guy who usually opens the and hold the door for her. This is the type of guy who will take the girl out to eat, get to know her and actually offer to pay for the meal. This is the kind of guy who was probably raised by a real man who taught him how to be a gentleman and this is the kind of guy who probably saw his dad treat his mom with respect. But the term “nice guy” has a negative connotation and is usually perceived as a guy who is desperate to be with a particular girl, who is “pressing” and who is probably a “loser”.

Grant it, there are some guys out there who I will certainly not condone their actions especially when it comes to dealing with females. Some of these guys probably lack some advice or two on how to approach a female and keep a female interested. I mean, you can’t and should not act desperate, you can’t be pushy, and you simply can’t your put your whole life on hold all because of a female. Best believe that females will always want a man who is pursing something and focuses on other important things besides her alone. Yes, they will complain and all, but to be honest, that will never change; complaining for them comes with experience and they get better at it. I remember I used to talk to this girl a while back and she always wanted to hang out with me on Sundays. Now, my Sundays are solely reserved for Church, Family, Playing Soccer and Watching Football. I have been doing this for years. So I simply told the girl, “listen, I know you would like to hang out with me, but I have been doing this for years, and I will simply not be able to drop this and hang with you on Sundays – maybe on another day”. Now, she was not pleased with this, but as a matter of fact, she came to respect me and my time. Now, what a probably desperate guy will do is “Okay, sure. I will drop everything I love to do just for you”. There is time for everything (time to make sacrifices for your partner), you do so but don’t always do that at your expense because as a guy it makes you seem desperate and of course the girls begins to think, “of course he can’t say no, he has nothing else to do” – guess what, you are being looked like a loser. Ladies, if a guy acts desperate, then that’s what he is. He is being nice because he is desperate NOT he is actin desperate because he is nice – such a guy is desperate and pressed! Sometimes, he might be “stalkish” and this is by no means a nice guy, but a guy with problems.

Before I lose my train of thought (I am getting hungry), Nice Guys Do Not Finish Last all because at the end of the day, the same girls who will choose a “bad boy” over a “nice guy” end up complaining the most and end up dissatisfied with their decision. Let’s be real here. Have you ever seen the winner of any event complaining? Never! Winners do not complain but the people who lose or finish last usually do. Nice guys at the end of the day WIN and finish FIRST! At the end of the day, they find a woman who appreciates them for who they are. They find a woman who would like to be treated like a queen and enjoy being respected.

There is a fine line between being nice and being desperate and “pressed”. Nice guys at first might come off as desperate because to be frank, A LOT of females are used to “whack guys”. A lot of females are so used to a guy not wanting to take them out, a guy not willing to respect them, a guy who usually physically or verbally abuses them, a guy who is not a gentleman, a guy who is willing to cheat and play them. To be honest with you, look around you. It starts at a very young age. A lot of these girls are not used to having real men and real gentlemen treat them right so they see such things as foreign and they do not understand sometimes, can’t come to terms with it. Like the saying goes, “people fear what they do no understand”. A lot of girls like to live in that comfort zone of being used to someone who might not be treating them right. Believe me when I say this, some of these girls know what they deserve, but its either they are not willing to give up on the guy because they believe they can change him (mind you, YOU CAN’T) or they simply do not want to be single again (which is foolishness if you ask me). The secret is, you got to be a nice guy but know how and when to put your foot down. Females are very beautiful and interesting creatures. Give them an inch, they will take a yard. That is them and you can’t do anything about it. As males, we should learn how to appreciate females for who and what they are but we should not put up with anything out of the ordinary.

Females, you are the future mother of presidents, heads of states, lawyers, doctors, engineers, etc. We need you at this young age to be treated right for your sanity and the sanity of these future leaders. Please do not deem a guy as a “nice guy” just because he has been brought up as a gentleman. But rather, appreciate and respect him even if you do not like him, because someone else will love him. At the end of the day, Nice Guys Do Not Finish Last.