Around 3:30 am, I was talking to this female friend of mine. She made a statement which blew my mind. She is now done with school and working and all the good stuff which comes with a college degree. She was telling me about her plans, but something was not adding up. She used to be the girl who will always talk about her future husband and kids and family; but this time, things have changed. She stayed away from all of that. I have known this girl for sometime now, so I knew something was wrong and something might have happened to her love life. I quickly remembered something she asked me about 3 months ago. She asked me whether she can love again after being cheated on? I told her, it depends on her. If she can handle the baggage that comes with being cheated on, and that should raise the bar so that it does not happen to her again. Me personally, anyone who cheats on you does not deserve to be with you.
This time around, this friend of mine told me that she is seriously thinking about not getting married. If this statement was uttered from the mouth of some of my friends, I probably wouldn’t have cared. But this was a girl who was a great girl with a great heart and who at a time, appreciated marriage. So I knew right from the jump that there was something wrong. I asked her why she was talking like that. You can tell she has been hurt and betrayed by someone she truly loved. She said “I don’t know if I can love again… the whole ‘love thing’ looks a certain way in my own eyes”. I paused for a minute, thought about it and figured that she does not mean what she is saying, and that she has just been hurt badly, and the pain, anger, bitterness, suffering, have blinded her vision to truly see and understand what love is. In reality, love can be sweet like heaven, but can hurt like hell.
I thought about what love is for a while. I strongly believe love is not emotional, and that it is a decision. My God father and mentor once explained that to me, and also, a mentor described love as: ” Love is not a feeling, not an emotion, not a state of romantic excitement, but a commitment of the will to the true good of the other person. Such commitments are sealed by promises, and that is what marriage ceremony is all about. The feelings are just gravy, and they may come and go.” That was his definition. Tell me it is not true. But this time around, I was looking for something outside of that definition. I thought things through, thought in a biblical sense and carnally. I mean, I tried to think deep into this. What is this thing called love that hurts but when its with the right person it feels great no matter what. Well, after thinking for sometime, without taking anything from God (God is love), I came to the conclusion that LOVE IS YOU! Before some Christian friends scream “blasphemy” and all, trust me, I am a Christian, I try to study the word of God and I know God is love in its entirety. But bare with me here and let us try to dissect the romantic form of love between two people.
LOVE IS YOU! I mean, you are not perfect, but you hate it when people talk evil about you or talk behind your back, because you love yourself. We all know we are at fault, but why do we care so much when people say something about us? Because we love ourselves regardless of our flaws. Every human being is more patient with him or herself than he/she can be with anything or someone else. That is one attribute of love: patience. Love is kind, and we as humans are naturally kind to ourselves and most of the time look out for ourselves before anyone else. Kindness is another attribute of love. Anyone who loves their woman or man, will not physically or verbally abuse them. You do not look at yourself in the mirror every morning and abuse yourself. Do you? Nope. Because you love yourself. So I tell you this, do not be with anyone who will verbally or physically abuse you. You are worth more than that. Who knows you best but yourself? I mean besides God? No one. You know yourself best. You know your flaws more than anyone else, but sometimes you try to cover them so people can accept and love you as you love yourself. Yes, you are being fake, but you are being fake because you love yourself and you are afraid people will see your flaws and not accept you for who you are or love you for who you are, or even love yourself like you do. That is love. Love is not external. Love is eternal first, because it can unselfishly extend. The extension of how you treat yourself, appreciate yourself, or care for yourself is what is called love. Two couples who are actually in love, will always treat their partner like the way they will treat themselves (if not more). Love is selfless, love is kind, love is beautiful, love is great, LOVE IS YOU! Before you can love completely and exhibit all of the attribute of love, you got to love yourself first, by first understanding who you are and accepting who you are. Before you can enjoy the beauty of love, know yourself, because you are the vessel that will carry out the love you will give. Loving someone and being loved sincerely is one of the greatest gifts you can have on this earth. Especially with someone who deserves your love.
Now back to my Christian friends. God created us in his own image as stated in Genesis. Well, God = love. God’s Image (containing some, if not all attributes of love) = us. So, love can be found in us since we are made in the image of love.
The answers to the most complex questions in this world is from within and it is eternal. Love is one of them and love can be found in you. Do not be afraid of it. Embrace it. Appreciate it. Know yourself. Learn about yourself. Love yourself. And give that love to the person who deserves it and you will witness the beauty of it all.