Month: March 2011

Top 5 Things To Do Before Getting In A Serious Relationship


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There is nothing like “the” perfect relationship. Relationship requires work and if the people within the relationship are not willing to work, the relationship (without a doubt) will fail. Any successful person worked hard to get to that level or is still working hard enough to maintain that level of stature. To maintain a healthy and good relationship, you will need to work hard to get there and work harder to maintain it.

Nothing good, special, or unique comes easily.

What gets on my nerves the most is how this generation does not value, cherish and appreciate good relationships. It seems as though we get in relationships without respect and without good intentions to make it work.

These 5 pointers will help get you ready and prepared for the unique, special and good relationship we all seek.  They must be adhered to before getting in any relationship.

1. Know Exactly What You Are Signing Up For

This is very important and covers a lot of areas. You have to know the kind of person you are dealing with, you have to know what they like and what they do not like, you have to know how they react in certain situations, you have to get to know them without force, but with good reasoning and intentions. The reason why I believe this is important because “sudden changes” or “unexpected changes ” might destroy the relationship.

I feel as though, some people do not take the time to know what they are signing up for. All what you usually hear is “wow, I did not know this and and that.. I did not know Sarah or Mark can do this or can do that”.. If you did your homework, you wouldn’t have to kill yourself over the test.

We have become a lazy generation. We sign up for stuff without knowing exactly what we signed up for. Yes, some people can hide their true and good character, but you can’t hide something forever because there is nothing new under the sun. If you know you are going to date a guy who cheats and is disrespectful, best believe he will disrespect you and your family and you will be cheated on; and when it happens, do not act surprised because you knew exactly what you were signing up for. If you know you are dating a girl who is verbally or physically abusive, do not think they will change. Yes, they might hide it a couple of times, but best believe they will surely insult and beat you up one day.

2. Close Any Opened Doors

The worst thing that can happen to you is having a good time and moving on with your life, then all of a sudden, your past begins to haunt you and threatens what you currently have. Sometimes we are not destroyed by our actions today, but our actions from the past. Closing all doors shut, and settling issues in your past will enable you to have a clear understanding and conscience about your future. You can fully and totally devote yourself to your significant other which will enable both of you to grow together in peace and true happiness.

3. (You) Respect Yourself, Get To Know Yourself  & Appreciate Yourself

This will be all about YOU! You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of another male/female.

Respect to me, is one of the most important keys in order to have a good and healthy relationship. You need to respect yourself first before you can respect the other person. Do not get in a relationship if you do not respect yourself; you will cause harm to yourself and the other person. If you respect yourself, you will not insult, abuse or cheat on yourself, so you will not insult, abuse or cheat on anyone else.

Get to know yourself more than anyone else. Know what makes you happy and know what makes you angry. Knowing yourself will make things easier on the other person as they get to know more about you. It makes the relationship easier and it makes it a respectful one.

Appreciate yourself. Learn to appreciate yourself, or else you will be waiting for others to appreciate you. The moment you don’t get others to appreciate you, you get frustrated with people and with life.

4. Grow Up

Maturity is key to every relationship. As a woman, you can’t be with an immature man, and as a man, you can’t be with an immature woman. There will be UNNECESSARY conflicts and misunderstandings which will eventually destroy something which has potential. Before you expect a unique relationship, you have to grow up and understand the concepts of relationships. Growing up comes with learning how to appreciate, compromise and sacrifice. Because the relationship is between the two of you, so it will not be all about you and what you want and when you want it. Growing up will allow you to understand the other person’s point of view and will force you to become a better  man for your woman or a better woman for your man. Yes, there will be conflicts and misunderstanding at times, but a matured couple will solve every issue and will enjoying solving it. Now that is a HEALTHY, UNIQUE, and GOOD RELATIONSHIP.

5. Know Your Worth and Value Yourself

Know what you are worth, If you worth a good/great guy, DO NOT SETTLE for a bad one (it will destroy you and leave you regretting for a long time). If you deserve a virtuous woman, DO NOT settle for less (you will be hurt more than you think).

Knowing your worth and value will help you attract a woman/man with worth and value. If you deserve a good man or woman, do not settle for an idiot or someone who will treat you like trash, whiles you are like a diamond cut or knowing dang well that you should be treated like a prince/princess or something of great value.

Do not be with anyone who does not want to be with you. The moment you value yourself and know your worth, you will want to be with someone who will want to like you like no other and who will want to respect you, appreciate you, and like to be around you. Know what you are worth, If you worth a good guy, DO NOT SETTLE for a bad one (it will destroy you and leave you regretting for a long time). If you deserve a virtuous woman, DO NOT settle for less (you will be hurt more than you think). Once you find the great/good/wonderful significant other, DO NOT LET HIM/HER GOunless they want to leave for some strange reason; work and work hard to maintain that good and respectable relationship with that great person. It is not going to be easy, but it is  going to be worth it. It will always make you happy even in the time of storms, it will keep you at peace and you will always want more of them, and less of any hoodrat or hooligan. You deserve to be with someone who will see your worth, value your goals, appreciate your goals,

Insects Do Not Bite From Afar

“An insect can only bite if it is close, so be careful of those you call friends” – Joe Darko

Trust is very important to me as a person. I have to trust the people I walk with. I have to trust my family and friends. In this world, you can’t be by yourself so you have to keep good friends but do not be fooled by those you call friends.

The people closest to you are the people you should be careful of. This is because those close to you are the only ones who know how to hurt you; not only that, but it hurts to see someone close to you betray your trust.

Think about this: incase I rob a bank (God forbid) with my friends and we got away peacefully without a trace, how will the police have any idea who it is (ignore in-depth forensics for now), unless someone close to me who probably helped me come up with the idea or who helped me spend the stolen money?  The people closest to you are the ones who know your ins and outs. They most likely know everything about you and they know what will hurt you and what will make you happy. Yes, these people should be trusted but do not be a fool in this world because after all, who would have thought Brutus would have joined the conspirators to kill Cesar. The conspirators needed Brutus who Cesar trusted. They say “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”, I say “be very careful of who you keep close”, because enemies can turn into friends within days and friends into enemies.

“Having a lot of friends can be great, but be ready to face hurt and disappointments from these same friends” – JFC

Power And Influence For Good

Influence in my opinion is the ability to get someone to do something for you out of their own free will. Power is simply the ability to influence. There have been many influential people through out history. Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln etc. All the above mentioned people were not influential but powerful. They did not have to be in a position of power to be influential but they become powerful because of their ability to influence for the general good.

Some powerful leaders like Hitler were powerful and very influential. He influenced a whole army to follow his vision in global dominance but he failed miserable all because his power and influence were not for good. Nothing evil can stand the test of time.

We are the future leaders of this generation and most of us will end up being influential and powerful. We should not let anything (greed and selfish desires) stop us from using our strengths for good. We will live a positive legacy if we offer the world a positive energy.

“One measure of success is how influential and powerful a man can be; but it will be deemed as a failure if the power or influence was not used for good” – JFC

“They said”… 6 Things Troubling The Black/African Race In America

This is a little piece to basically encourage my Black or African friends out there to challenge the status quo and reach the top.

We need more successful Black/Africans in our communities. We need more role models. We need more black leaders. We need more and more great black men and women to turn things around in today’s society.


They said our kids will never amount to nothing: Statistically, it is a tough thing to grow up as a minority in any place. Our kids need us to be there for them. It starts with both parents. Both parents will need to be around and to help the kid mature.


They said we can never get out of college: It is depressing to see the number of black kids who go to college, and the number of black kids who actually graduate from college. We all need to be out brothers and sisters keepers. We need to encourage one another to fight and get out of college. Yes, there are some barriers, but they are meant to be broken. We should all fight against certain things like tuition increase which totally destroys us more.


They said all we can do is play sports: Yes, we are naturally gifted and talented to play sports (and we do great at it as well); but thats not all we can do. We can do other things others do. We can ply on the same field with the Chinese and Caucasians. We are intelligent enough to do so. We should not stick to only sports but spread our wings.


WE say our man “ain’t sh*t” : This is pathetic. This is not necessarily them saying it. This is our women saying it. If we call our men that, we are obviously forcing other people to say the same things about the black men in society. We are something. We are actually more than something. We need to treat each other with respect.


They said our women will forever be single: Another depressing fact: about 70% of our women are single. Yes, beautiful black women. Why is that? Black men, it starts from us; but black women you all should really appreciate and accept a good black man when you all get hold of them. Will talk about this a lot more.


They said we can’t keep good black relationships, can’t get married or keep a marriage: This is another sad story. We need to bring a whole new form and level of respect in our relationships. That is one way it will last. We do not respect each other, so we destroy each other. Can we all make it happen?

Conclusion: Society is shifting from good to bad (yes, I believe it is a cycle), but the cycle hurts us a lot more than any other race. Society will get better with time, but when it gets better, it would have done some damage to our communities. We need to educate the uneducated, help the poor, fight for the weak, and save our future. This note is not like a black nationalist note or anything like that, it is simply addressing some problems some naysayers and pundits have said concerning the beautiful black population of this world.

We live in America and we can definitely set the trend for the rest of the world to follow.