Recently, I have seen a good amount of my friends getting engaged or married and I have had the honor to be in a lot of weddings, met wonderful people including potential future wives ;). To be honest, I am very happy for them and I pray and want them to be positive examples for generations to come.
The question which usually pops in my head at a wedding is, “is he/she marrying the right or chosen one”? I have been doing a lot of thinking about how to choose a spouse and who helps in the decision making process and I am here to share my thoughts. In the Christian circle, there are two train of thoughts on this subject: You choose your spouse and God chooses your spouse for you. From my research and what I have learned so far, I won’t hesitate to debunk the second option – God does not choose your spouse for you. I know a lot of Christians will not agree with me on this one, but allow me to explain this to you in the next 5 minutes or so. (feel free to debate)
Some people believe that ” there is someone for everybody” – this is also a lie. If there is someone for everybody, then the ratio of guys to girls will be 1:1 instead of 3:1. God does not choose your spouse for you but God CAN certainly help you choose your spouse. As humans and sometimes Christians, we are quick to avoid responsibilities when it comes to making big decisions like choosing a career, buying a house, or choosing a spouse. I understand how and why we would like to avoid making these huge decisions, but with the same token, I believe we can lean on God for better understanding on a particular situation, seek wisdom, and guidance, but ultimately, it is up to us to make that decision and not shy or run away from responsibilities. But can God divinely orchestrate your marriage? Possibly. Let’s look at the Good Book.
Biblically, there are only two instances where by there was a divinely orchestrated marriage – Isaac & Rebecca and Hosea & Gomer – the first one was prettier though. Through out the whole Bible, God divinely chose Rebecca for Isaac and asked His prophet Hosea to marry Gomer (who was a whore). This only tells me that God CAN divinely orchestrate your marriage but it was not an everyday thing and God usually left it to humans to express their free will, accept the responsibilities and take on the challenge in his name to commit and be faithful to another human being in harmony and in love. Another verse which supports my claim is Proverbs 18:22 – “He that findeth a wive, findeth a good things”. You have to find your spouse BUT it is important to seek for wisdom and guidance from God and if you are lucky or unlucky God can choose your spouse for you.
Someone might argue that God does place people together with the famous Bible verse in Mark 10:9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” This statement is more on responsibility than anything. Let’s look at the bigger picture from verse 8 to 9. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,b 8 and the two will become one flesh.’c So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” As you can see, when a man makes the decision to be committed to a woman by leaving his parents house and assuming the responsibilities of a man and being faithful, God does bless the marriage because they become one. God does not force any man to leave his father and mother to unite with his wife because man uses his free will to do so. The “joining together” statement is the blessings God bestows on a marriage done in His name to promote love, commitment and faithfulness. The same verse goes on to show the responsibilities which falls on any other person and the married couple “let no man separate” – this again seems more of a command or an instruction because it did not not say “therefore, what God has joined together, no man can separate . Can man separate what God has put together between two people? Possibly, because a lot of marriages have ended up in divorce because the couple allowed “man” to get involved to mess it up – so it is important for us to understand the responsibilities associated with our walk with God. The only marriage man can’t separate is the marriage between man and God. Nothing can separate us from the love of God.
If you are planning on getting married, it is not too early or late to start praying about your future spouse. Pray for guidance, wisdom, and pray that God will present you with the right potentials for you to decide because God is not going to come cook for you, communicate to your spouse for you or build a strong loving relationship with your spouse for you – you will be handling those responsibilities. After you make the decision, understand that it is a commitment. You are making the commitment to be with someone you love for the most part, and to be honest, might sometimes detest. Understand your responsibilities, lean on God, and when you are ready to get married, understand and know that you will have to be faithful and love your wife no matter what. Do not go in front on God promising to be faithful and committed but turning the other cheek when things go sour. Marriage is not for everyone, so if you are not ready to stick to your vows, simply do not get married.
Share your thoughts if you disagree. I am open to learn from everyone.